Moving forwarded

Well some have been asking were we are in TTC. Hmm.....how to begin this. Almost a month ago I started to feel different and came home and took a test. Lo and behold it was positive. I was so scared and excited. How could this happen so quickly after my EP surgery. Jer and I certainly weren't trying. I called the doctor and they did an ultrasound and didn't see anything wrong but they didn't see the baby either it was way too early. I hadn't any bleeding or pain like the last one. So I tried to keep it together and not worry. My hormone levels weren't going up fast enough so there was some concern. Well on Monday July 16th I started to cramp horribly. The onset pain was one that I never ever felt before. I never wish to feel that again. I was at work and Jer was coming too pick me up from work. It was 3:30 when the pain started and Im off at 5. I text him at 4:45 letting him know what was going on and to hurry. He got there and I went to the 1st hospital were I had my last surgery at and their wait was 4 hours. I didnt feel easy being there. I hate that hospital and didn't like the way they let me go after my surgery last time. So I left and went to the hospital in Lafayette. Their wait 4 hours unbelievable. It wasn't until 8pm that I was seen. I love that hospital though they are clean and always checking on you. I seen the ER doc and she tells me well we dont know what to do. I let her know that Dr. Kregar thinks its left over tissue and I need to take the MTX shot(it kills whatever cells are left and ends a pregnancy). I refused to take it because what if......my baby was ok. They sent me to do an ultrasound. It was HORRIBLE. I had to have the tech stop so many times and I was screaming and crying the pain was too much. My shoulder hurt(weird huh? I get to that later). They call the on-call OB. Guess who it is the doctor I HATE! He is a dry do it by the book ass who had one of my paps years before (the Chinese doctor from the movie Knocked UP)I never went back to see him. I had the ultrasound and he was waiting for the results to come back. He spent over an hour half with me checking things. He seen the results of the ultrasound and said something is swelling in your belly. We are unsure what is going on and need to do surgery. I said hold the brakes I will just do the shot I don't want surgery I just had surgery four week prior. He wasn't very happy and explain it all over again this time he was very clear. What choice did I have? I was in pain and nobody could figure out what was going on. Did anyone care? I felt like a human pin cushion. He was very dry but very compassionate. I come out of surgery and stay in the hospital for a day. He found a cyst that had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. I had bleed so much had they not done the surgery I would of died quickly. I bleed so much that it was past my diaphragm. I guess when your diaphragm gets irritated it causes shoulder pain. I love the doctor I once hated everyone else brushed me off and he took the time to sit with and go through my medical history. He didn't believe what the RE doctor had said. He came in the next morning and sat with me and talked all about what happen. He said that its so rare what happen he hasn't seen it in over 5 years. He said my left tube looked great and we could still try for a baby. He didn't see the pregnancy but want to monitor my hormone levels. Fast forward a few days. I finally miscarry. It was hard but I am ok and we can still try later down the road.........................I am over the whole baby thing. I am focused on getting back into shape and healing from all this.  Had I taken the shot like the RE suggested I may not be writing this story. Almost loosing my life twice in the last 2 months gave me a new outlook on whats important.

Sad news

So here is an update to the last update. Well we all thought I wasn't pregnant. Wrong! We were on IUI #2 and I had been giving myself shots for 3 weeks. I wasn't developing any follicles like I did the month before. On my last ultrasound the doctor cancelled the IUI and said that she thought I ovulated and just radomly though we should do a pregnancy test. Jer didnt go in with me to the ultrasound so I was a total mess when I came out. He asked what happen and I said I tell you when we get in the car. I told him they think I maybe pregnant and they will call us. During the 2nd  month I had been having on and off bleeding and cramping and was super super mean. I was at work when one of the RE docs called and confirmed I was and they couldn't determine were the pregnancy was. So they were going to do another ultrasound in two days. I called Jer and he didn't believe me. I went home an hour later and started spotting really bad and knew something wasn't right. I went to the ER and the ultrsound tech was very quite. When she was doing the scan I seen the baby's hearbeat and the movements. I started to cry and told Jer everything is ok. The tech said she had to grab the doc. She did and the doc came in and told us that we had an ectopic pregnancy and I need surgery to remove it. As he was talking(he was an ass) I heard nothing he said just wanted to sock him. I think he could tell he left the room as fast as he came in. They took me back down stairs and as I was leaving the tech came out of the back room and she was balling. When that did it I LOST it. I started to cry. I went from having such hope to having my gut drop. Jer was great and comforting and helped me to suck it up and face the doc and the surgery. The OB's came down and explained everything. They were so amazing.   I went home and came back a few hours later for the surgery. Dr. Bruno(surgeon) ask how are you so calm and not in so much pain. I told her I think I am just numb. I warned all the docs that I am super mean when coming out of anesthesia they just laughed it off. I said ok. I wake up and I am in so much pain. I though my private part was going to fall off. I was yelling at them that I was in pain and whatever they gave me was like being drunk and blacking out. They told me I was 13 weeks and lost my right tube.  They took me to the bathroom and the nurse told me when I want to change just yell at her. I apparently got myself dressed and told her she should of been in the room to help. She laughed and said you were right you are mean coming out of surgery I told her duh I warned you guys. Fast forward today. I went back to work after a week. The recovery has been slow but not horrible. I have days were I cramp horrible and others that it doesn't hurt to bad. The bright side of all this is that we are able to get pregnant. We have to wait 6 week before we try again. Well 4 more to go. I dont know if we will do the drugs again. We are out of the Amigos study so have to pay for everything out of pocket. My insurance covers half of the IUI's. I am waiting for my records so I can meet with Dr. Kregar and see what the game plan is. I am scared to death of drugs and don't know if we should try on our own. The Amigos docs still are baffled how I got pregnant and they missed it. In my consultation with them they said we should continue trying with Menopur and another 2 IUI and if nothing then go to IVF. Ick IVF is so expensive. I would rather buy a Caddie and still adopt.-Jk I have no idea what Dr. Kregar will do he is a Kiaser doc and is a wonder doc who looks like he is stuck in the 80's. He has gold chains and wears his shirt down with his chest hairs out. If I didnt know his personality I would find him quite scary. So who know were we go. I have learned to be an advocate of my own health and know what to watch for. I know infertility is a new science and its only God who can give life. So I put my trust in him and whatever journey he takes us is were I go. Jer thinks he is going to punished and be blessed with 5 children. I would mind.

Nelly

update

Sorry its been a while sense my last post. The last IUI was a no go. I am happy that the 1st IUI is out of the way I know what to expect now. I am back to the shots of Menpour. I am such a needle pro. When the nurse took my blood for the IUI she pop my vein so I got a nasty bruise on my arm so that vein is out of commission for a while. My others are small. She wasn't the normal lady that draws my blood. The one that normally does it awesome and she a is a student scary huh. I went in for an ultrasound and today and there is nothing growing so they are upping my dosage to what it was before. I was enjoying the last 5 days of the lowest dosage I am moody or having hot flashes. I am still super annoyed by people who jabber about nothing or complain too much.....I lost the 9lbs that I gained. I think it was all water weight. I deep cleaned my 2nd bedroom and made it into my massage/office/scrap-booking/need to get away from hubbie room. Just kidding I love my hubbie. He has been great through all of this. I have been a licensed massage therapist for 10 years and not practicing for years. Now I can yippie. Nothing else to report.

My thought for the day-don't ask

Oh and fertile women suck!

To my Gram!

Well its been a few days sense I posted anything but here is whats been happening. I have been to the doc almost everyday this week. My follicles are at 18,16,15 as of Wednesday. They had me do one more night of Menopur. I should trigger tonight and have the IUI done on Saturday. The the 2week wait begins. I had no side effects of the Menopur but I am extremely irritated. Kinda like PMS x10. I feel bad for Jer I know I couldn't live with someone like me.Work has been kind of stressful  I really do appreciate James and what he does it sucks when he is gone. He does work pretty dang hard. Jer had a lecture from his mom today. I think she is super happy we are trying finally for kids. She said that she will be at our house everyday to make sure the babies are OK and helping with chores ect. She says there better not be any dog hair(we have 5 muts) Some people may find this intruding but I am ok with it. Jer's mom reminds me of my gram just a little less crazy then my gram. I really have come to appreciated Jer's parents and all they have done for us. They have the experience that I don't. When I hit 26 or 27 I realized I don't know nothing about life. Sometimes it can be hard but I wouldn't have the husband I do without her.

My gram was 10x's crazier. I felt bad for my mom. She had it hard. My mom would have the house spotless and my gram would always find something wrong. My mom had the house spotless one time and gram came in and stuck her finger in a plant and told my mom her plants are dry to water them. No the house looks nice just water your plants. I miss the 4 billion calls a day from her. The "Call me its an emergency" voice mails and really she just wanted to say Hi. I miss the stopping by my house at all hours to see what I was doing because she was lonely. The constant shit she would start because she could.  She loved drama. The lies and roomers of what I was doing wrong they were always entertaining. She was tough as nails on me and I was scared to death of her.  Now my brother and sisters weren't scared of her as much and they tested her and she kicked their ass seriously. My brother told her F-U and he ran she said oh ya you son of a bitch. He was all state in track and was fast she picked up a rock and pegged him right in the back of the head knocking him to the ground. She only hit me twice ever. She had a meanness that I didn't test for that I finished school and always succeeded at everything I have put my mind to. I miss it all because I know that she cared and loved me so much that she would do anything for her daughter. I was her 1st grandchild and she was so young to be grandma that I became her daughter too. I miss you Gram! Today has been 3 years from her passing. Happy Mothers day to all the women who are mom's and who one day soon will be mom's.

Shots

Soo. This is my fourth day of shots and I well I feel NOTHING. Jer and I were bickering at one another the other day and he says Oh I cant wait to do your shot tonight. I said bring it shots don't hurt. Well he brought it and did a great job! The medicine only burns for a couple minutes after. I go in Saturday to see how well my follicles are growing(eggs). Hopefully they are growing great and I can trigger and have my 1st IUI next week yippie then after the the 2 week waiting game begins(I am so dreading that). Hopefully my sister will be back in town so I can bug the crap out of her and she can keep me busy. This may not be appropriated but I found it freaking hilarious.

Jer is a sissy

I started the Menopur shots last night. I watched the video to make sure I mixed everything correctly. Well when it came time I had everything mixed and Jer was like Ill give you the shot. He was more then happy to do it of course. I showed him the needle and he of course goes "ooh that looks like its going to hurt" well he couldn't do it. I took the shot from him and went to give myself the shot in my belly and I psych'd myself out and couldn't do it because of what he said. I told Jer he had to and he went to try again and chickened out (what a sissy all this talk of I'm going to prick you) I grabbed the needle from him and stuck it in myself. It didn't hurt of course and Jer squeezed the syringe. I pulled it out and then it was sore for about 20mins. All in all not bad. I have to call my mom and give her kudos when she was preggers with my brother she got blood clots and had to give herself shots. She did this through her whole pregnancy everyday twice a day now that takes guts. I remember seeing the knots in her belly och!

Today I went to the Fertility doc and I was randomized for Menopur(injectable). I am super excited and so nervous I can't even express. Jer and I had talked to an Reproductive Endocrinology 3 years ago and were going to start the process of trying Clomid and IUI. For some reason we never continued after testing. I look back and I don't think it was the right time. Its almost surreal that we are moving forward. Menopur has a higher chance with multiples. Maybe we will get lucky and have triplets and be done forever.   If we have a daughter she will be Luciema Kate-Rae and if its a boy Kiko Floyd. The girls names are Jer's and my grandmothers names combined and the boys is a grandfather and my great uncle who was killed when he was young.  Honestly I am getting older and just even having one is a blessing whether its my own or adopted. They will have great parents who will love them. If we end up not being parents thats ok too we will just adopted more dogs they always love you even when they hit 13.  I go back to the doc Sat for more monitoring and then maybe back on Monday. I am grateful to have a job that lets me take off and make up time. Thanks Boss Man. Above a pic of my gram today really made me miss her, she would be the one I would share all this information with well now you get to listen to it.

Weekend

What a great weekend. I got to see my best friend and her precious little girl. She is such an amazing mom I can only hope to be that great of a mom. Her and I have been friends for 20 years and its amazing how you can not talk with someone for a month or so and when you see them its like there was never that time between you. You just pick up were you left off. Now that's what I call my sister.

Jer and I went to Bailey on Sunday we were able to find some new trails and do a little fishing. It was just us for a little R&R away from the brat's (our dogs). The run off was in high gear. Toward the bottom of the river the water was so clear and the water so freaking cold. I LOVED IT! No fish though. As we pulled off into a camp site someone just left there bags of trash there. It unnerved me a little that someone can't respect the outdoors enough to pick there shit let alone there damn tampon COME ON PEOPLE! As we drove back all I could see was trash on the side of the Highway. Park County is a beautiful place I don't ever remember it being so littered full of trash. I don't know if its because more people are heading up there because its not that far from Denver. At any rate please always respect what beauty we have been given and pick up your trash.-Hello not to hard

As we continue our infertility journey I thought this maybe an opportunity to share our experiences. Jer and I have been trying for 4 year now for a baby. I am so lucky I have an amazing husband and we have 5 big dogs Demon, Angel, Santos, Betty, and Tuwa. They our four legged children for the past 3 years. Jer and I were accepted into the Amigos Study at the University of Colorado.  Next week I will start the process of my first IUI. Hopefully our journey will help someone out there.