IVF Update

Update: IVF

I will start off by saying I have the best doctors and team of nurses. I am so truly grateful to have had this opportunity. IVF is not for the faint of heart. For them women who do multiple cycles my hats off to you. I can say at this point I really don't know if I could do another round.

I started my journey in March. February cycle got cancelled due to cysts. March's cycle almost did too but luckily the cysts went away. The birth control is probably the worst part. The emotional up's and downs. Everyday you feels so different. I can say my confidence level went to a complete ZERO.We had our 1st apt with the doctor in November so I was really anxious to get started. The Lupron gave me migraines. I did very well with the Menopur and Gonal-F. I felt so much better when I went off the pill. The shots didn't hurt much. My belly swelled but not bad. Just felt like I ate a huge burrito. 

We had a bad blizzard here. My retrieval was set for Sunday the blizzard happened on Thursday. I had to travel to Colorado Springs which is about and hour and half from Denver. I couldn't of course make it on Thursday with all the snow. So Friday my eggs were cooking good and I had to make it in. On the way to Springs I made it 3/4 of the way to Monument and my transmission went out on my Durango. Some guy rolled  his window down and said your leaking fluid. I pulled over and sure enough. To save you from a long drawn out drama. Jer and his brother towed the truck back to Denver and I took an Uber ride to my apt. My apt was 9am I got there at 4pm. Jers grandma came with me and his auntie picked me up. It all worked out but if everything could go wrong it did. The roads were just horrible, I was soaked, cold, and my ovaries hurt from hiking to get help. After going to Springs 5 days that week, I was ready for the retrieval. 

Jer and I were at Sonic and realized I had to take my HSG shot. Needles to say he had to give me Gonal F and HSG shots in the truck with my pants half way down in the Sonic drive up station. We also had to buy a little truck just so we get around. Try having your suppose give you shot in your but in a Ford Ranger. My butt isn't supper little. Someone must of called the cops because an officer parked in front of us and followed us out. Jer was freaking out a little. I told him don't worry we have a prescription.

The retrieval went well we got 16 eggs, 10 fertilized and 3 made it to day 5. We had six that arrested on day 5. I did end up with OHSS. That was the worst of the worst. I was expecting to go back to work two days after retrieval. Retrieval was Sunday I went to work on Wens, I blew up and my girly area was on fire. I had to hold myself to take some of the pressure off. I ended up taking the whole week off and had a Kidney infection the following Monday. It was all worth it because I had my little embryo's. My doc only does frozen transfers. My little babies were conceived on Easter Sunday and frozen April fools. How perfect is that, God is a great God! I told Jer this is the only time we can stick them in the freezer without it being child abuse.

The doctor had found polyps when I had my saline sonogram so we would of needed to have the surgery before a transfer can take place. I scheduled my surgery but the nurse thought it might not be a bad idea to do a hysterosonography. A fancy word to take a camera and shove it in your uterus and see if there is anything abnormal there. Thank goodness it came back NO polyps. The cycle before and after my retrieval were super bad with clots. So maybe that's when they went away. Idk and I don’t care. We get to do our transfer May 9th. The day after Mother’s day once again how perfect! 

I haven't said anything to anyone about the transfer I don't know if I want to. I am so scared of the unknown. When you go through this process you are not naive to what can happen. We have had 12 miscarriages,1 Ectopic, 11 IUI's,  2 saline sonograms, 3 HSG's , 1 lap for endometriosis, and another lap when a cyst ruptured and hemorrhaged I almost died. Like many others that have come before and continue to go through this it is not easy but it will be worth it in the end. 

Here are the things I have learned through this whole process:

Birth control with make you feel like shit

You will get massive migraines

Nothing goes as planned, 

Patience is demanded

Everyone will tell you it will happen it supposed to

There will be days you feel so low and have no hope and days you will have tons

Days were you ask yourself is this really worth it do I want a kid, can I really do this?

You will take a lot of days off of work and feel horrible that your not doing your job

Your twat will hurt and your hubs wont understand why you don't feel like having sex

You two will fight because you can't have sex doctors orders

Your so tired 

You will forget everything and anything

Your life is consumed by this whole process

Your willing to give yourself shots anywhere because you have to take them at the same time everyday

A heating pad and Vicodin are your bff's

Your afraid to try anything out of the normal because you feel you jinks this whole process

You will find a love for your husband that you never knew you had because of all the mood swings you put him through

You will gain weight and loose it

THIS IS ALL NORMAL! Be easy on yourself.

Then the best part so far is getting the embryologist report and seeing that we have 3 little perfect babies waiting for us. I pray this works if not I will be hurt but God's just has a different plan for us. Praying for a May 9th transfer and healthy Feb 2017 baby. Please keep us in your prayers.

  

Update

Hi All,

I don't even know if anyone reads this blog anymore,  it don't matter. I can look back and see our journey. Where do I begin?

All of the testing is complete. Everything came back normal. My AMH was 1.6 up from 1.4 in 2013. My FSH and Testosterone were perfect. The number of follicles was awesome. My thyroid was high. Kiaser said it was the normal and the IVF doc said No way. This was news to me. If your levels are >2 you should be on thyroid meds. I was put on 15mg of Armour. The first 3 days I felt like I was in a fog. Today I feel a ton better.

Jeremiha still has to do his testing. He has to quit smoking YAY!!! I don't have to smell that awful smell but I have to deal with a mad man for a few months. Its a love hate relationship. His numbers have always had low motility. The price of the IVF does come with ISCI.

We paid 4800 for the IVF and will be in the range of 2K for meds. I was able to take a loan out of my 401K and use our FSA from last year and next year. That is the only reason we are able to do this. The doctors prices are going up to $6700 in Jan, so we paid for it early to get the $4800 price.  We have spent at least 10k so far on IUI's, medications, testing, and whatever else. Its just insane. That doesn't even include my two major surgeries back to back. IVF should be covered by insurance its sad to see its not. Pathetic really.

I started seeing an acupuncturist last month. She is so wonderful. I highly recommended this if your doing IVF. I go once a week.

We will be doing meds starting the last week of January. Retrieval middle of Feb. They will go to freeze for a month. They will transfer in April so hopefully by May we will have our little angel"'s"with us. It will be just in time for my God Daughters confirmation. Perfect timing. We will have a Jan due date. That was when our little Lee Sou Young would of been born.

Things are looking up and for the first time I feel at peace and not stressed about this whole procedure.  Please pray for us we have like so many infertile women have had a rough road.

Oh on the super bright side NO MORE KIASER WHOOO!!! We got new insurance. Anyway the IVF doctor has done so much more than any of the infertility doctors I have seen. I love love the clinic we go to. Hopefully it all continues; they have been wonderful so far.

Here we are again!

Jer and I are going to start this journey again. Hopefully with better results. My heart still aches and worries about what is ahead. We meet soon with CCRM for a consult and to do our tests all over again and find out what direction to go. This time outside of Kaiser. I cant explain how excited we are. I am getting older and that is what has me a little worried. There are so many options in IVF its insane. I'll keep you posted when we know more.

I realized I haven't updated sense August. Lot has happened.

Let’s back track a little last year. We stopped TTC with a total of 11 IUI's by August and were told to move onto IVF. In August I was ready to be done with trying it I was completely consumed by it again. The letdown of it I just shut off again. So I deleted the baby websites, threw away my ovulation predictor kids, gosh only knows what the dogs did with the Preseed vial. Its non-toxic get over it. Who knows how they get what they do. I do put stuff away.

I quit my job in Oct and went to work as a Systems Administrator job for a local city. I started off contract for 6 months. I will be full time starting next month. I completely love this job less stressful. I have an amazing boss who happens to be a personal trainer. I started working out with her when I started. I had got to 213lbs. I have sense lost a good amount of weight (don’t know exactly but at least 2 sizes down). I am not a in charge of person; that was adjustment for me because I always had things my way and I was learning someone’s else's way. It turned out to be a great thing I learned so much from her. I think back and see how I could have done things different. I work 6 miles from the house. No traffic yah bitches! Bottom line I am finally doing and learning what I always have wanted too in my career. A great change all the way around. There is one butt face I there that I would like to back hand but there always has to be one right.

Sense the weight loss I have been going more "natural" "crunchy" as some would call it(Summer). We started to eat more organic with our meats and some veggies when I can afford them. Thanks to my sister-in law she inspired me to cook more at home and we hardly eat out. We do still eat some pizza (bad Nelly). I have been trying new recipes lately and I was juicing for a while. I try to cut out most Gluten except on pizza night. I can’t be 100% yet I am still learning and growing. I think that a lot of my weight gain has contributed to some of my infertility. I do feel a ton better. I do 2-3 15min work intervals a day. I do use YouTube as a source on what exercises to do at home. My boss will have ones for me at work. I have learned so much on various exercising, proper form, and herbs. I am going to include in my blog some of the recipes and workouts I have been doing. 

On the infertility front: Kind LONG sry.

I went to go and see a new RE in January sense Kaiser don't do IVF. Dr.S had a study going and you would just have to pay for meds. I was on the band wagon when I see this. I made the apt in Nov. I was so excited for this apt to see if we qualify for the study. Heck we can afford 2-3K vs 15K right? I got all my medical charts for her. We go in and get ready to pay for the visit $600 upfront for initial visit. I was told it was $400.  Jer looks over at me glaring (those eyes calling me a liar). We got to sit and he isn't very happy with me because we didn’t budget for that. We got in to see her and she looks at my AMH level and says nope you don't qualify. Your levels are very low for someone your age. Your levels are those of a 40 year old. Egg quality sucks. Even with IVF my chances are only less than 40% success rate. She did a follicle count and they are normal for only having one tube and two surgeries. She thinks I should repeat the AMH test. That was another $250 bucks I gawked. She said that I wouldn’t ever get pregnant on my own. I was so devastated I balled so hard on my way home. I tried to show no emotion in front of Jer. That lasted 10min he knows me too well. He was so sweet and supportive. I went in so excited and confident. I walked out feeling old, disappointed, and my journey to motherhood was over. I wasn't ready to hear my journey was over without IVF and even then still wasn't very high. Jer said we can do the IVF(no way can we afford it) and even if we could only a 40% and below chance for 15K I don't think so. We just dropped $600 bucks to be told um…sorry. My heartaches for woman who have gone through this and cant even afford to see an RE to get a 2^nd opinion. She couldn't understand why the Dr at Kaiser would have done this many IUI’s. RANT WARNING! I write/ramble how I feel because I am very guarded person and don’t really share my feelings. I put on a happy face and pretend we are fine. Im working on it ok. Writing helps me release it. Even though people show support they don't understand. You ladies have been there. No one knows how you feel until they have faced infertility. They don’t understand how it was to be 13 weeks along and do all these treatments only to have it ripped away from you; only to get pregnant a month later and feel such excitement and worry. I almost lose my life and I lost another baby. I have done a total of 11 IUI's have had 2 losses. Last year I think I had a miscarriage. I was at work and I felt cramping blood and tissue go everywhere. They weren't able to defiantly determine if it was or not. If I hear one more “just stop trying and it will happen” or “some people aren’t meant to have kids you can always adopt”; I was going to burst. There is a time for those comments just not at the moment you’re going through loss. You go month to month thinking “am I maybe?” “No, I am not” because you can handle the disappointment again of having the witch show up again. We had been at this game for 5 years and it all came to a head when Dr S told me what she had. It wasn’t her fault she was just giving me info but it still stung pretty deep. If people ask I let them know little info. Its saves questions and me having to give detailed explanations. Why do they care I don’t want to tell my story to someone who only cares about details? People should really care about the person and how they are doing emotionally and check in with them time to time. That is called true support not phony support. I know you infertility ladies know what I mean. Seeing other women just pop out babies like nothing and not appreciating what they have makes me ill. It seems as if everyone one around you is getting pregnant and it feels as if they are rubbing it in your face. You put on your happy face and say congrats. They aren’t but that is how it feels at times. Well this is how I felt all at once. I emotionally crashed and went on PMS rage for a few months. Poor Jer he said you need help I don’t know what got into you but I don’t want to be around you. I would just scream and call him names and was short about everything. I would lose my mind of the house wasn't a certain way or the dogs got in the living room. I was the definition of a MAD woman. I was also coming off my anxiety pills Im sure that didn't help. I wasn't ready to give up my goal of being a mom and I felt as if it was gone so what the hell. I felt old, gross, I deserved all I had been through.

My head started to spin and I had to get it together. I thought I am not ready to be done yet. I am done with conventional medicine. I have nothing but scar tissue and weight to show for that. There is a time and place for conventional meds but for me I ran too quickly to it.  What the heck IVF has really only been around sense I’ve been alive. Doctors aren't God's and I have no control over this journey. I needed to go back to basics. I started seeing an acupuncturist and getting on herbs. I had already started being a “crunchy” why not go a little more. Let me tell you about my 1^st visit. If you have read this far you can go a little further it won’t hurt.

Jane is her name. I was an hour late to my 1^st apt with her. Traffic was horrible and I was stressed to my limit. I was already on a rage I walk into her office and it was so calm. I worried about she thought of me. She did an energy cleanse I guess. I was able to go visually to a land I had blocked for a long time. I can’t explain this (please I’m not totally crazy) I could see my gram holding my babies hand the one I lost. His hand was so little and perfect. Gram was preparing me for my child here on earth. I had to ask my body for forgiveness and thank it for all it had done for me on this journey. I had let go of my control and was able to vision myself carrying this future child. I cried so hard (energy release my ass)it was more a let’s take 5 years of pain and melt it away in nose snot. I had no tissue was the worst part. You can’t get up because you have needles in your back. Thank goodness the massage table had a face cover that was somewhat like a tissue. Most of it went on her floor. That’s what she gets!  I went home and just slept. I haven’t had another Rage session sense. Light PMS yes. I still get a little anxious when my house is dirty or it’s not in an order (if you havent noticed Im a tad OCD) I’m not screaming at the dogs or Jer. So that is where I’m at eating organic, seeing a acupuncturist, taking herbs, and exercising.

What else……….my poor nephew was sick with pneumonia and 3 other viruses. He was in an induced coma and had fluid drained out of his lungs. He is better now but went through so much in the month of Feb. Aayliha(neita) had MRSA again and was in the hospital at the same time. She just turned two and is doing well now. My dad is back in jail. Please pray he gets his life together he may be looking at a long time for this jail stent. My mom’s cancer is pretty bad she goes for treatment out of state soon. They are going to saturate her liver in chemo and hope to kill the cancer. She has gone off the rocker and is drinking a ton and whatever else………I just pray she comes to her senses she needs to be there for her boys. They are just 11,9,6 and all of us are older now but we still need our mom. Total of 7 kids that’s a lot! Hmm…..we hope to get warmer weather so we can get the boat, atv’s, and camper going. The dogs are good. Princess just turned a year and is nuttier than ever. Her and Tuwa have eaten two pairs of my shoes. Princess loves anything paper and tracks it through the house. She gets all the dogs going when she hears something outside. They all go hauling ass outside barking. It sounds like a stamped. Betty brought in a dead bird last night and put it in the door way for me to check out. She brought me a dead mouse she caught she was so proud I was so mortified it was in my house and on my carpet. That has been it. Wait my sister in-law took me to Nordstrom and they measured me for a new bra. AMAZING!!! I got one that fits. My boobies went up and in that has made my month so far. Ok done. Pics to come.....

My bday

Friday was my bday and it was the best ever. I got to have dinner with my best friend whom I havent seen a year. I missed her so much and it was so awesome to see her. Time never passes by with us. Best friends for 22 years sense were 11. Yikes I am getting older. Then my Jer bear with the help of my Auntie threw me a suprise bday party. Everyone came and my neices and newphew was there. My mom even came that was awesome of her. Thank you Jer and Cindy. I love you two very much. Well I love Jer a lot more in a different way. Thanks love you are truly my other half. Pics to come later. No I was still kind of sober.

Anyway to those who read this blog PLEASE subscribe to it. I know there are a lot of you out there I see the numbers.........

We had lost one more and the doctor told us to move onto IVF now. We'll that's too expensive so that's not an option. Maybe adopting next year. So my friends I caved and we have ourselves a new Princess. We have added a 6th and final dog to our clan. She is grand daughter of Killer Bill. Jer's family's infamous dog. She is a genetic experiment gone bad. Her mom is cute but the dad yikes! So I will introduce you to

Princess

She is super sweet but master manipulator. She runs the pack. She is all 5 dogs put into one. I'm a pack leader but when it comes to little dogs I have no idea what I am doing. 

She ate my new shoes. Poor things didn't have a chance

You have to keep everything off the floor or she will eat it, tear it up, or pee on it.

I was upset she tried to kill Jer's cuddle buddy. Now I have to cuddle with him. Princess is too little. This is her hiding under the pillow and the hole she made.

Okay one last thing. Notice anything? You know your cheap when you shop in a store that uses Tuna cans for wheels.

Fun times

I know I have been super bad about keeping my blog updated. Sorry my friends. This particular post isn't about baby stuff but more for my family. A month or so ago my uncle/auntie and me and Jer went up passed George Town looking for haunted places. We didn't find much but we went four wheeling in my husband's "Mini Me" Cindy and I were in the back and we had to look ahead at what we where going down, so we made some funny pics. Here are some of our funny pics!

I love my Auntie Cindy she is one of my best friends!

Now I know my husband well enough to know that he wont kill us but he will try to torment us. I tried to grab a pic of the hill we went down but that didn't happen. There is NO ONE I trust more than my Jer bear when it comes to four wheeling but I think he even freaks himself out. He has a little monster truck that he loves very much........It is his toy and he is a mechanic so you know it gets taken care of.

Anyway here is a my Crazy Angel baby. She love to clean just like her mama. We had a Auntie/Niece day. She got a Monster High Doll and some Lalapolusa game. I had to come home and clean and well she is free for labor.

Some how that pic came out side ways whatever...............He loves to do Auntie's hair.
Here is our newest project our boat getting it ready to hit the water. Jer is painting it the same color as his truck so they match...................

Last but not least my other niece and her being funny.

I leave you with her..........Have a good Memorial weekend.