IUI

I am hesitant to put this out there just yet because I in away dont want to Jenkins it. I think if I am quite and dont tell anyone then it will happen. We started this month on Clomid and did our first IUI sense last year. I had two great viable eggs on my left hand side and one on my right which makes no difference because I have no tube on my right. I keep telling Jer that I think its twin boys. He says your going to Jenkins yourself and have twin girls. Oh gosh that would be so scary!!! I seen my nieces and having raised Lauren I am petrified of girls. I will test in two weeks to find out if its positive or not. Then the HSG numbers begin. I am so scared of that I just would like to wait to see the baby(babies) when they are developed enough so I can see them on the ultrasound. Well that cant happen I am considered high risk so the min I found out its positive straight to blood work. You know going through all of this takes away the innocence of having a baby. You know the what if's...............I am trying to stay focused on eating right and telling the babies to land in the thing that looks like half orange. They need to land right in the middle and just grow grow grow........I look at my sisters in particular Lauren she has two beautiful girls. One that is a major brat just like her. She is getting a taste of what she was like hahahah. My mom really wasn't around and just kind of left and got remarried and had other kids. She is a good mom to them and they are great kids so I took Lauren in when she was 8 and she was with me off and on until she turned 18. I see the values that I instilled in her and now I see how she is using them to teach her girls. It makes me cry because if I can do that with my sister I think I would be great mom to my own children.  Part of the reason that I never wanted kids is I was scared to be like my mom and I now that I am older I am not anything like that and I proved that to myself when I seen Lauren and how an amazing mom she is. From the moment she was born she was like my little princess that loved to clean. My mom isnt a bad person just didnt make such great choices and I do love her. I just know if I had mad some bad choices that she has my gram would of whooped the holly hell out of me especially if I didn't take care of my kids. I cant forget my other sister Mystique she is stubborn and mis know it all but she makes a hell of a mom.  She is the disciplinary auntie. I am the nice auntie and the FAVORITE! I seen in my sisters a parts of me that they have. Its like half is Lauren and half is Mystique just more to the extremes. Haha poor them. Keep you posted.